Everyone says "it's hard but it's worth it", "the time will fly", "they grow so fast", but they never say "being a new mom is the very hardest thing you will ever do. you will feel insane for months." Because it is really the hardest thing a woman will ever do. Having another being so totally dependent on you along with the pressure of making sure he is developing well, mentally and physically, eating well, all of his needs are met, and then add to that working a full time job, fulfilling commitments you made before you knew how hard mommyhood is, being a wife, being an adult child, and being the liaison between family and the new baby is truly the most difficult time of your life. Simply taking care of baby is full of issues because all he can do is cry. He can't tell you he's hungry or tired or scared or just feels bad. He cries about everything and nothing and it's up to mommy to figure it out. Good dads are involved, sure, and they'll do anything specific you ask of them but they are not mommy. Dad can change a diaper or give a bottle, wash clothes, do housework, but it is up to mommy to soothe the baby to sleep, to figure out what he needs, and to just be mommy.
Add to all of this that you could feel your body has been hijacked. From conception, you've had another person being a parasite on your body. You have to be 10x more careful about what you eat and drink and the environment you're in because you want to make sure the baby forms properly. Then when you give birth, this little being needs you 24/7, especially if you nurse. Young babies eat every 1.5-2 hr. Don't believe it when you read newborns eat every 2-3 hr. And that time is measured from start of eating. Baby starts nursing and takes 30 mins, then you need to pump if you want to keep your supply up (and you can only do this if someone else can take the baby because most likely he will cry if you put him down), then try to get baby to sleep or to atleast stop crying so you can put him down, and he's down.....for 10 mins and then he's up and hungry again. There is no time to do anything, not even get a shower, unless you have help. And even with help, there is not always time to do anything because baby always wants to eat and always wants mommy.
Add to this an extreme lack of sleep, going for 24 hr or more without any sleep because baby only sleeps in 20 mins increments. Then add all the hormones. Then add that you feel like crap from giving birth, be it "normal" or C-section, and your immune system is depressed. Plus, you won't have time to eat properly so you're low on good fuel. Being a new mommy truly feels like being run over by a Mac truck, twice.
There is a great deal of pressure these days for mom to nurse/breastfeed. Of course, mother's milk is the best, healthiest way for a child to eat BUT it is not the only way nor is it necessarily the best solution for every mother. When mom decides not to breastfeed or decides to stop, there can be tremendous guilt both from oneself and from outsiders. It is surprising to me that people have the nerve to ask if you're breastfeeding and then to ask "why not?" if you say no. Really, that is such a personal issue and no one's business but perfect strangers think it's ok to ask!
There are so many things no one tells you when you're planning to be, or are, pregnant. Like you will be tremendously swollen after giving birth, 2-5x more swollen than even at the end of pregnancy. It does go away in a few weeks but it's awful in the beginning. Be prepared to wear compression hose 24/7 for a couple of weeks and to keep the feet elevated as much as possible. Make sure to have lace up shoes that can be made big because going to the pediatrician in the first week after delivery means your clothes don't fit and your feet are too swollen to fit in your shoes so you're either wearing bedroom slippers or socks and probably sweatpants.
No one tells you that using a breast pump sucks. It's uncomfortable and doing it at work is just weird. If you go out, you either will need to take the pump along or be ok with breastfeeding in public, which when it comes down to it, is very disconcerting.
They don't tell you that your normal clothes will not fit, even if you weigh the same in a few weeks as you did prepregnancy. Your body will be different, if you're a size 2 or 12. The abdomen remains swollen for about a month and the abdominal muscles are stretched and sore for months. Be prepared to buy new pants and a size larger shirt.
At about 6 weeks, things do get a little easier. Baby stops eating as often and eats more at one time so you don't feel chained to the baby. He'll start to develop different cries and sounds to help mommy distinguish his needs. If mommy goes back to work, it will be hard to leave baby with someone else, BUT it also gives mommy a much needed break. Do not feel guilty for being glad of the break. All moms need it and all moms are glad to have it, even if they won't admit it. If not returning to work, I would suggest hiring an in-house sitter for a few hours a week so mom can get a break and get things done, like a haircut or doctors' visits. Or even just to take a little time away because that little time will rejuvenate you and make you want to go back to baby again. The mix of feelings, relief and anxiety, that mom's feel when leaving their kid is normal and ok.
Another thing no one tells you and you don't think about is that baby is not supposed to go out in public for atleast the first two months. This means mommy doesn't go out in public unless daddy can stay home with baby or if you're lucky enough to have family willing and able to watch baby. And public isn't just going to the mall or large gatherings. You're not supposed to take him anywhere around people at all. In this day and age, and especially with families so widespread, that really is not reasonable or feasible. Just getting to the doctor or the grocery store can be difficult scheduling if the baby must stay home but there is no one to watch him. If you have to take him with you, take him and don't feel guilty about it.
Motherhood is hard and it's probably going to get harder but keep this one thing in mind. When he gives you that big, toothless smile, the real one, it truly will all be worth it.
